Par lay voo frawn say?

I'm back from Paris. That really is a beautiful town, full of pretty girls and great food. Weather is just like London though and that's not what I need these days. Here in London it rained 7 times today. And it's only 18:30 (6:30pm for you non-military or continental folks).

I'm hoping Istanbul this weekend is a sunny reprieve.

If you'd like to wish me a safe journey to the Middle East give me a call on
+1 (772) 257 4501. That rings to my UK mobile but only charges you for making a domestic US call!

I'm ok!

So today is kind of a bonus post. I woke up in London so technically I should blog but now I'm in Paris so technically I don't have to. I love making the rules. In any case I'm here for work and won't write again til Wednesday so enjoy this treat and don't let it ruin your dinner.

Watching tele here in my hotel I saw two things that were worth recording:

1) I think one of my neighbo(u)rs and classmates as a child is now an anchor on CNN World Edition.

2) There is a captivating Japanese show where contestants hold their breath and swim as far and for as long as they can underwater. When they surface the picture zooms in. They look at the camera and say "I'm ok!" in English, while doing the A-OK hand signal. Mesmerizing stuff.

State of emergency

I have a man cold.

Ah, we laugh

When you laugh, what sound do you make? Is it:

a) hahahahahahahahahhahaha

or

b) jejejejejejejjejejejejejejejejeje

or

c) It's all just a matter of what country you live in, innit?

na na na na na na na nana na na and we're all from Barcelona...

Here are some things that happened to me.

1. A girl asked me in Catalan to sign some sort of survey or sponsor her in some way. Since I couldn't understand her I shook my head and continued on. She ran after me and pointed at my bottle of water. I gave it to her and walked away. She smiled and thanked me, but then after a few steps I heard the water bottle hit the ground and I turned around. She had thrown the bottle and was pointing at me and laughing.

2. When I woke up Sunday morning I had to pack up and switch to a smaller and cheaper room. I packed everything but was missing a sock. I looked all over for it and wrote it off to the previous night's adventures. Once I got into the new room I found the missing sock under the bed.

3. I forgot two things about Barcelona -- the can men (men who carry around cans of cerveza and sell it to you anytime, anywhere) and the massaje girls (women who walk the beaches offering back massages. these women are relentless and don't take no for an answer, or even 5 no's every hour for 4 hours as an answer).

4. I learned some cool slang. Like guiri for a tourist. And venga and valle/alle, which mean let's go and ok/alright (ex-Andalucian/Andalucian) respectively. And that in Mallorca if someone is a drunk rather than calling them borracho they call them gato, which means cat.

Test week: a retrospective

The week that was... how did I do?

Monday

I advanced my knowledge of scandinavian electro DJs by seeing Trentemøller in concert. I also practiced scandinavian electro DJ dancing as a way to gain the affection of the opposite sex, specifically of scandinavian descent.

Tuesday

I tried a new curry restaurant. Popped some popadom.

Wednesday

I ate pide. I gained new insight into the London mayoral race by reading the New Yorker while tired. And problem solving. Problem: I kept falling asleep while reading the New Yorker, even though it was an interesting and engaging article that never ran out of steam like NYer articles of passing interest sometimes do. I identified the problem: my flat was too warm. I solved the problem: I went and met Guillaume and his friends for a drink.

Thursday

Improved my hand eye coordination by playing FIFA at Ollie's flat. I also tried Halal food for the first time that I know of.

Friday

Strengthened my abductor pollicis brevis (chopstick muscle) at Wagamama. Explored lovely Hackney.

In general:
Ate three meals a day. As a minimum.
Bought shoe shine stuff and shined my shoes.
Flossed.
Slept at least 8 hours each night.

I just tried to be productive or if not productive then at least stay busy. Now I'm going to take a nap...

on MY FLIGHT TO BARTHELONA! (back Thursday)

Ericrolling

hey you.

What to eat for May Bank Holiday #1

One of two. They are not referred to by anything other than "May Bank Holiday". I get off work for both. And for each I hope to go on a quick weekend getaway or "Holiday".

For the first I was planning to go to the country of Africa, specifically the region of Tunisia. But I waited too long to book and fares quadrupled and it doesn't appear that I'll be eating tuna there any time soon.

I'm disappointed because I really want to be warm and in the sun during those days. Tunisia provides those sorts of activities.

Now I'm choosing between Croatia (which I had hoped to save for the summer), the Greek Isles, Istanbul, Malta, Cyprus, Mallorca, San Sebastian (might not be warm enough), Morocco (already been), Lagos (of the Algarve ... not the kind where you can learn to 419 silly Anglos), and Ischia.

I think Istanbul is the frontrunner. I love a good turkey club.

Take a fakation to Londres

Not that you'll be visiting soon -- you probably have something more exciting like a trip to Hilton Head or Toronto -- but if you did this is how you'd drive to my house:

www.phatfusion.net/googledrive

A couple of rules for driving here:

1) Stay to the left.
2) Don't worry your pretty little head about yielding to pedestrians.
3) Stay out of the City unless you want to pay a daily charge of £8 (about $16).

To get to my flat from Lambeth North start weaving your way north until you cross the Thames (pronounced Tems, Dad), then head east. When you see Tower Hill, Aldgate or Liverpool Street you're getting close! Commercial Street runs north-side in a lovely shade of green. Running parallel to the east is Brick Lane. Drive carefully north on Brick Lane and try to avoid the Curry hustlers on the south end and the fashion victim hipsters in the middle. Once you get near Bethnal Green road you've made it. I won't tell you how to get any closer for fear of strangers reading this who would actually visit London and pay me a visit for nefarious purposes. Like stealing my drying rack.

Meet the neighbors

We really are a product of our environment. So how would you be different if you grew up somewhere else? That's sort of the idea behind "If celebs moved to Oklahoma".

No offense to Oklahoma except to the degree it's deserved.

Test week

So this weekend I was pretty lame. I didn't do anything exciting, didn't leave the flat much, didn't contribute to the betterment of mankind in any way or do anything that would make my mother proud.

So this week I'm going to do everything right. Today I woke up early (8am!), shaved, ate breakfast and read the paper. Tonight I'm going to a concert, which will better me culturally because the DJ is Danish.

I'm planning to eat 3 good meals per day, stay hydrated and get plenty of rest. I'm going to be prolific in terms of productivity.

I'll also be flossing.

Here goes nothing.

Royaltease

Finally I'm running in the same circles as the Royals. And it feels great.

www.britishroyalwedding.com/2008/04/13/princess-eugenie-spotted-at-boujis-with-boy-friend

I was at Boujis on Thursday. Don't think Princess Eugenie caught my eye though.

It was so good being away from the riffraff though, if only for a few hours.

Joyful, joyful public transport

I knew that this happened. I guess I just never really thought about it that much.

www.chilloutzone.de/files/08040701.html

You thought you knew me

But you're just finding out that I now listen to dub-step and minimal techno.

Europe can do that to a person.

I almost went to quiz night

On Tuesday. Normally I'd refuse to go given my history of being absolutely awful at quiz nights.

The last time I went was in January with Kyle and Conor in New York. We were at some gimmicky pub (New York is saturated with these) where if you bought a drink, you got a free pizza. Whatev.

We proceeded to miss almost every question. Our morale wasn't helped by the Kiwis next to us who got every question right. The real backbreaker was when they knew the name of the kicker who missed the field goal to win Super Bowl XXV and we didn't. (SCOTT NORWOOD!) The fact that he grew up in the same town as Conor and went to University in the same town as me didn't help our confidence anymore than the fact that the Kiwis had likely never seen an American Football game.

This isn't to say that I don't know a lot of random stuff that could potentially be quiz material. I do. I just need a Cliff Clavin/Jeopardy situation to play out.

And maybe that's what will happen when I make my way to the Frog and Forget-Me-Not Tuesday Quiz Night sometime soon.

I'm a slightly less bad loser now

In my formative years, if I were to say, lose, at anything, ever, you probably didn't want to be around me. For a couple hours at a minimum, and probably for a couple of days to be on the safe side. Or maybe even longer if it was a big game or if I already didn't really like you that much.

I was especially competitive at cheering: the Pacers, the Colts, Notre Dame football, IU basketball. Some friendships were lost through the years. Others with an even more contentious competitive relationship somehow survived (hi Matthew! hi Brad!).

Two minutes after the Pacers lost to the Bulls in the NBA Finals I was in the backyard burning my Michael Jordan Wheaties box collection. I'm not sure whether it was before or after that game when my mom decided to never be in the house again while I was watching sports.

When I actually play sports it can go either way. I tend to get over losses easier when I actually contribute to the outcome (as opposed to only contributing via superstitious behavior). That said sometimes it can all go wrong in the middle of the game. And when that happens sometimes, hypothetically, your team gets renamed Donnybrook FC for the next season.

But I'm so much more mellow now than I was back then. That Donnybrook thing happened all the way back in 2006! People I meet these days can't believe I have a temper. Until we get turned away from a club at the door.

Last night Arsenal lost in dramatic fashion to Liverpool. It basically ended the season for the Young Guns and I was devastated.

In the city there is no wide open space where I can escape. I can't jump in my car and drive around while shouting like a maniac and listening to loud music. The only respite is to go back to my flat, pop open a Ribena Pomegranate Light, and distract myself by reading articles about China's emerging middle class, the uselessness of the penny, and the slow death of the newspaper as we know it.

And in the morning I can pretend it never happened.

That was not a penalty kick though. That is never a penalty kick. Unbelievable.

Saw Sam Zell speak today

Here's his bio: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sam_Zell

My favorite quote was that some people never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.

I heart my bankerphone

Left work at 6:30pm today. Sat down for a nice curry and then my bankerphone told me to go back to work. So here I am again. At work. At 11pm.

(actual size)

It snowed this morning

I'm pissed.

But since this post is backdated, I'm over it.

Grand National

Today this happened:

The Grand National, which is:
The most valuable horse race in the world.
The biggest betting race in the world.
The race with the most annual horse fatalities in the world, and as a result...
A big source of glue.

This year 30-40 horses started and 5 finished. Only one was shot -- the rest were disqualified because they couldn't jump over one of the massive hurdles or because the rider fell off.

One night stand

Swedish too. Pretty cute huh?

Actually though, here they call it a bedside table.

Picked that beauty up at IKEA. Put it together the same night sans directions.

I didn't know it was the law

As many of you know and many others of you forgot, I had a birthday a few weeks ago.

So I had to recalculate my socially acceptable dating limits using the "half-your-age-plus-seven" rule:

I turned 28 (OMG), so I can date a 21 year-old without public condemnation. The math proves it.

But when I reverse the equation it's saying I could date a 42 year-old (COUGAR!).

I prefer the first scenario.

Personally I think the math in the States is more conservative -- +9 or +10 seems about right. In Europe things are a bit more liberal, especially in Central and Eastern Europe so maybe you could benchmark at +5 or +6.

Oh and of course if you're rich or famous the rules don't apply.

60°/16°

It's so nice here suddenly. Downright hot at 60° (or 16° centigrade).

I think I'll go outside, drink some Pimms and turn pink like a right proper Englishman.

Everyone will suspect me when I return

So there's a name for the phenomenon which is 'American people moving to Britain for a few years and affecting a strange hybrid accent which is neither American sounding or English'.

It's called the transatlantic accent and it basically means that you no longer have a home. Americans suspect you of faking an accent and Brits still don't recognize you as one of your own. And it's also just really annoying sounding -- just listen to Mark Ronson or Madonna speak.

Still, in my heart, I know that it means that I'm better than everyone else.