Back from Frankfurt, and more about the carnival

The carnival was awesome. At times (see picture below) a bit post-apocalyptic. There were a couple times when windows were broken and where the crowd seemed on the verge of turning into a mob, but mostly it was just delicious caribbean food, pleasant weather and music worth dancing to.

I guess a couple people got shot though. And/or stabbed. One time this guy apparently fired into a crowd of people, did one of those evasive somersault rolls like he was James Bond, then ran off. Classy. Overall I think there were a few hundred arrests and only 2 people fatally wounded. Not bad considering there were over a million people there.

My damage was more like £30 for corn-on-the-cob (2x), jerk chicken with peanut sauce, a smoothie, some adult beverages and a whistle.

Greece fire

I'm supposed to go to Athens next week, but I think it might be on fire.

And I forget what to do when the fire is Greece-based. You're not supposed to use water, right? You're supposed to use something else.

In the paper today there was a quote from a local, [First name]-ios [Last name]-opoulos, that said, "I had to use 300 litres of wine to try to extinguish the fire around my house".

So that settles it. I'm guessing Ouzo would also work.

I'm off to Frankfurt tomorrow so the blog will be resting for 2 days. You'll have to find something else worth getting out of bed for in the morning.

I didn't quite understand that

example 1

British English:
The carnival was quite fun this year.

American English translation:
The carnival was decent. Nothing to write home about. Even the jerk chicken was just mediocre. It was no 2002.

example 2

British English:
The carnival this year was actually quite good.

American English translation:
The carnival this year was the best thing ever. The jerk chicken was the dog's [er/uk: that's a good thing].

Got a taste of the carnival last night and I'm definitely going back for more today. It was pretty rowdy and good fun (and then again, it was "children's day").

Here's the definitive history as explained to me by my Irish friend Rick O'Pedia if you're interested: Notting Hill Carnival.

Today

I bought two suits.

More breaking news as it occurs.

Wait a minute

It's kind of warm and sunny today. What the.

Oh and this is a three-day weekend for Londres. They just call their mid-year holidays "Bank Holidays". People kind of go nuts during bank holidays. The sunshine is a nice compliment to that.

So yeah I won't be working Monday (but I did work July 4th). I need this.

Carnival

This weekend there's a Carnival in Notting Hill. If you're thinking of cotton candy you've got the wrong picture in your head. If you're thinking of carnies you're on the right track.

This is the kind of Carnival where dangerous people get really really drunk, causing shopkeepers to board up their windows for fear of looting. Many residents skip town and others hire guard dogs and extra security.

It's going to be awesome.

Athens

Apparently it's not that great. I was pretty excited to go and then someone told me everyone smokes inside (offices even) and that nothing is green -- it's concrete as far as the eye can see.

Gonna eat me some [assorted] filo [pastries and wraps] though. And drink me some ouzo.

I'll also be consuming:
- koukkia (fava beans)
- grape leaves
- kolokythoanthoi

And dipping most, if not all of it in:
- tzatziki

Greek salad there is just called salad.

London = rank

No, London's not rank (slang), Londoners and Britons in general just like to rank things, which is a kind way for saying 'they like to impose the class thing on everyday situations much like they did for their colonial occupation of India et al'.

Here are some rankings:

Grocers:
Kensington High Street Whole Foods
Waitrose
Marks & Spencer
Sainsbury's
Tesco
Iceland.co.uk
Dadyal (the 24-hour convenience store next door to my flat. I personally rank this much, much higher. At least above Marks & Spencer -- how can you be #3 and not carry peanut butter?)

Public Transport:
These guys who ride a scooter to wherever you are, fold it up and put it in your trunk, and drive you home in your own car (useful only for the drinking crowd)
Addison Lee Taxi (on demand car service)
Black Cabs
DLR (Docklands Light Rail)
Overland trains, ie. Thameslink
Tube/Underground -- Metropolitan and Hammersmith & City lines
Tube/Underground -- everything else but the East London line
Bus (kind of a hierarchy here too -- doubledeckers, extended, single, night)
Gypsy Cabs
Tube/Underground -- East London line

Sport:
Cricket
Tennis
Rugby
Football
Formula 1 (Wait nevermind, this isn't a sport. It's more just an exercise in burning as much fuel as possible in as short of time as possible.)

English football (soccerball to Americans) teams:
1. Arsenal
2. Fulham
...
...
47. Scunthorpe United
48. Liverpool
...
...
57. Leeds United
58. Man U
59. Plymouth Argyle
...
...
97. Chelsea
98. Kidderminster Harriers
99. Ebbsfleet United
...
114. Swindon Town
115. Dagenham & Redbridge
116. Tottenham

Rubik, you crazy Hungarian sculpter and architect you

I just spent the last 2+ hours solving a Puzzle with Pieces Rotatable in Groups (the original name of the Rubik's Cube).

I've never had so much fun solving a Rubik's Cube in 2+ hours.

And is it really that you solved it if you found directions on the internet and followed them meticulously through? I hardly ever even looked at the Puzzle with Pieces Rotatable in Groups -- I kept doing these manuevers and when I looked down the colors were aligned. Amazing. Me + the internet = genius.

Here are some interesting facts about Rubik's Cube (and RC hybrids), care of my good friend Rick O'Pedia:

In 1994, Melinda Green, Don Hatch, and Jay Berkenilt created a model of a 3×3×3×3 four-dimensional analogue of a Rubik's Cube called the MagicCube4D. Having more possible states than there are atoms in the known universe, only 55 people have solved it as of January 2007.

In 2006, Roice Nelson and Charlie Nevill created a 3×3×3×3×3 five-dimensional model. As of January 2007, it has been solved by only 7 people.

A normal (3×3×3) Rubik's Cube can have (8! × 38−1) × (12! × 212−1)/2 = 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 different positions (permutations), or about 4.3 × 1019, forty-three quintillion (short scale) or forty-three trillion (long scale), but the puzzle is advertised as having only "billions" of positions, due to the general incomprehensibility of such a large number to laymen. Despite the vast number of positions, all Cubes can be solved in twenty-six or fewer moves (see Optimal solutions for Rubik's Cube).

To put this into perspective, if every permutation of a Rubik's Cube was lined up end to end, it would stretch out approximately 261 light years. If they were laid side by side, it would cover the Earth approximately 256 times.

Next I'll probably start participating in one or more of the following annual events:

1. Blindfolded solving.
2. Solving the cube with one person blindfolded and the other person saying what moves to do, known as "Team Blindfold".
3. Solving the cube underwater in a single breath.
4. Solving the cube using a single hand.
5. Solving the cube with your feet.

If I get good enough for event #1, then maybe one of you can come along with me to event #2 and you won't even have to do anything. I heard the afterparties at Team Blindfold events can get preeeettty crazy.

We laughed, we cried, we touched down

Got on a plane last night and heard that at departure it was still 75 degrees. The pilot mentioned that weather in London had been 'miserable' in the past few days. Everyone had a good laugh.

Then we arrived and the pilot said, 'No seriously -- the weather here is absolutely miserable. 50s and raining, and it's August.' Then we had a good cry.

In between I watched Half Nelson. That's a really excellent movie.

Arsenal 2, Fulham 1

So I finally got into an Arsenal game, having failed to get a ticket many times before. And this one was pretty fantastic. Beautiful day, first game of the season, playing a cross-town rival which also happens to boast an American captain and two others from USA!USA!USA!

The game had drama and a happy ending. Arsenal gave up an embarrassing goal 90 seconds in and waited til the last 5 minutes to score the equalizer and then finally the winner. I was sitting in between the Fulham and Arsenal sections. You can never say anything bad or even knowledgeably comment on football as a 'boring sport' until you've attended a match of the European (or I'm guessing South American) variety. It's really all about grown men singing.

Now if Arsenal can do that 37 more times we'll have a real party on our hands.

Crossing the Atlantic tomorrow, by plane (not the suggested means if you consult Google Maps for directions from London to Charlottesville). The blog will be quiet for the week so take the time that you usually spend reading up on er/uk and use it on something equally stimulating, like yardwork or Family Guy reruns.

Breaking news

Summer has lasted longer than expected in London. Today marks the one-week anniversary.

Today also marks the start of the English Premier League season. Here's to a top finish for Arsenal and an injury-plagued and underachieving one by wankers Tottenham.

I'm headed to the far-West (ie 'Merica) on Monday -- have I mentioned that? I'm going for the shopping. It's cheaper for me to fly there and buy things like shoes and a tie (airfare + shoes + tie - ridiculous exchange rate) than for me just to buy those things here. I'm also excited about the reunion with Mexican food.

I'll try to post some pics from Amsterdam and also of my buddy Conor Welch's eventful visit to London in tomorrow's post. Conor -- hope that contagious infection is taken care of!

Scouts hono(u)r

One disturbance/annoyance for all Londoners over the past few weeks has been the inexplicable proliferation of Scouts, of the Boy and Girl variety.

This year marks the 100th anniversary of the Scouts, which were founded by an English bloke. So every single scout in the entire world is in London right now -- more than a little unsettling when you consider the economics of it all: the supply of goodwill is far exceeding the demand. Every old woman is being escorted across the street by literally hundreds of scouts. And that's just the beginning.

Seriously though, I'm pretty sure they're breeding, because I see more and more bandanas everyday. Consider that some of these scouts are Russians, and the ages range from 12-24. 24!

Apparently scouts from some developing countries are defecting to the EU. That's not very scout-like.

Simple math

Pretty girl < Pretty girl on a bike

Pretty girl > Pretty girl with a miniature backpack

Pretty girl < Pretty girl reading The Economist

Pretty girl > Pretty girl talking on a mobile phone

(Swedish girl + pigtails)*2 / sushi + Pimms = my Friday night

Das Amsterdam is lekker

Lekker means alluring, attractive, enticing, nice, tasty or tempting in Dutch. Amsterdam is all of those things.

Amsterdam is also guzellik, a Dutch word that has no direct English translation. (You're pronouncing it wrong in your head. Use more throat.)

I've been there before. After graduating college I went on a trip to Ireland and Holland roundabout the time of the 2002 World Cup Finals. After some fantastic times in Belfast, Derry and Ballycastle, my friend Brad Miller and I went to Holland. We stayed with his former host family. His host father is the mayor of a town called Aalsmeer, which is just next to Amsterdam and home to the world's biggest flower auction. I wrecked Brad's host father's bike, which was a gift to him by his mother.

They really love bikes in Holland. There are more bikes than people. Really old, trashy bikes (so that no one steals yours -- but there are still so many bikes stolen that if someone steals yours you steal someone else's and then they probably end up stealing yours back).

The people of Holland are very kind and generous and tall. I was winked at several times when giving handshakes, so I think that may be a custom. We were also offered buttermilk and regular milk in several meetings, so Dutch people are a great source of calcium.

Overall, a great trip. Amsterdam sometimes gets a bad rep because of the legality of certain drugs and prostitution, but even the drug dealers and prostitutes are very polite. And tall.

Amsterdam

I'm going there this weekend. For work. Maybe you've heard of it?

Probably getting my Hair Fairy'd before I leave. I need to stop looking so Spanish.

Here are two modern art/good gift sites to play with while I'm gone. Feel free to buy me something:

www.wantsforsale.com
www.stevekeene.com

I bought a ukulele.

Finally.

First on my list of songs to learn: the one from The Jerk that Steve Martin (aka Navin R. Johnson) and Bernadette Peters sing while walking on the beach -- Steve features on ukulele and lead vocals, Bernadette sings backup vocals and solos on trumpet. One of the better movies ever.

By the way, how did Steve Martin go from being so funny to being so common? He'll always get credit for my favorite quote ever -- "Some people have a way with words. Other people, er, I don't know. Not have way, I guess" -- but it would be nice if he could pull a Bill Murray and participate in a good movie now and again. Same deal with Robin Williams.

Today, a legend was born

Not today today, but today like 90 years ago, somewhere in Pennsylvania. They named him Glenn.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

I wrote a touching tribute back on Father's Day, but I'll follow that up with a few anecdotes from my formative years in the House That Glenn Built.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once, on some winter retreat, we were tubing (in Indiana, in the winter, tubing involves riding a tube down a hill onto a frozen lake). At the bottom of the hill, I secretly stacked up a whole bunch of tubes that my dad would unknowingly smash into during his turn. Hilarious! Until he told me a few years ago that he's had chronic back pain ever since and even had to have back surgery to have a dislodged disk removed. Sorry!

Another time, my dad signed up to coach my summer league soccer team. He wrote a pretty complicated equation which would ensure that everyone got equal playing time (in addition to drawing really great freehand maps, he's also really good at math). We probably won the league. But one time during practice my dad stepped in for our missing goalie and got socked in the face with a soccerball. His glasses broke and his face bled a little. It was sort of embarrassing.

When I graduated college I moved to Colorado for a few months. My mom and dad came to visit. When they walked into the restaurant where I was working my dad had a clean shave (I had never seen him without a mustache), and his hair was "spiked" and looked "wind blown" (during my years at home he cut his own hair which resulted in a pretty conservative side-part). My first words were, "Are you serious?". Later I got them into a reggae concert for free.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've got loads more stories. But most of them are just for him and me to remember. I love that guy.