Prost x10

Here's how to make your own Oktoberfestbier:

Take one American county fair. Add several million people in the following percentages:

70% Bavarian (with 50% in traditional lederhosen)
10% other non-descript Germans
8% overzealous and most often obnoxious Australians, Italian, English, Samoans and American fratboys.
6% Asians
4% Dutch guys who like the girls but prefer Dutch beer
2% really out of place and confused sober people

In place of livestock in the barns, insert people as an exact substitution, with the same rations of food and drink.

Accompany these masses with traditional German folk songs as well as pop hits from the 1980s and '90s, including "Angels" by Robbie Williams and "Living on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi.

Keep the gaudy ferris wheels, carnie games and roller coasters. Add quite a bit of quality and variety to the food booths, including the roasting of oxen and endless amounts of sausages and sausage-inspired cuisine.

Employ no-nonsense personnel in all service and security positions.

Open gates at 7am, livestock barns (called tents) at 9am; close at 11pm.

Repeat for 16 days.