Kidney stones and the people who love them
Last week at the gym I did a pretty exhaustive oblique/lower back set. The next day I was sore and it wasn't really comfortable to sit or stand. And then someone jokingly punched me in the lower back. And then the next day I was at a park and someone errantly threw a frisbee which carried for about 50 yards before hitting me in the kidney. Right in the kidney.
Which all reminded me of when I passed a kidney stone in 2004. And then of a year later when I passed another one.
Those were pretty traumatic experiences. You'll know what I'm talking about only if you've ever birthed a child or had a kidney stone. Or if for some other reason you woke up in a cold sweat and were so hysterical that, after debating whether knocking yourself unconscious using the lip of the bathtub was the best option (a close second), you laid down in the most disgusting area on earth -- the space between the toilet and the shower -- and tried to fall back asleep. And then after that didn't work you drove yourself to the emergency room (the drunk and the drugged are incredibly superior drivers to those with a migrating kidney stone), where you signed paperwork while jumping around and crying and screaming, and then rotated between sitting and standing and laying down and running/walking circles around the room while people with minor head wounds jumped you in the queue.
The second time was more familiar and I kept it more intimate. Just me in the bathroom, vomiting and dryheaving and hoping that I would pass out or die.
Those were the days.
P.S. A funny thing to do is to call the ballhog on your pickup basketball team Kidney Stone -- because s/he never passes the rock.
25 comments:
Whilst never having passed a kidney stone myself, I heard my father do it once when I was 11 years old. I thought he was going to die by the screams of pain he let out. Next several rounds are on me my friend.
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