Here it is. Spectacularly yours, love er/uk

The er/uk Best of Times/Worst of Times 2007 Year End Spectacular

Best post nominations:
Silly Gringos
ND plays tonight which means I'll be a mess for a few months
Attainable greatness
Lifetime stats
Kidney stones and the people who love them

Worst post nominations:
I bought a toaster -- [Toaster? I hardly know her!]
Today
Bathing

Best month:
March -- [Which is to say that I peaked early and we all have nothing to look forward to. Ever again. April and June were my most prolific months.]

Worst month:
December -- [I've been cashing it in lately, waiting to see if my blogging contract negotiations go as planned.]

Most educational posts:
er/ukipedia
Rubik, you crazy Hungarian sculpter and architect you
P-T-O Y do Americans like to work so much?
QWERTY
Döner Kebab v Shawarma
Swedes

Best comment by a fictional reader:
The New Yorker Caption Contest is a sham
[My apology] -- It's true. I've made a mistake.

Most controversial post:
Punching someone in the face is better than war

Best recovery from a substandard post:
Ibitha --> Fox Murdering

Most spectacular failed attempt at a recurring column:
Ask er/uk, first installment

Best title:
Acropolis Now

Best title that some of you had problems figuring out:
Tanner than Danny -- [Think: Full House, Uncle Jessie, et al.]

Other titles I'm proud of:
Geneve Lopez
Overly nostalgic

Titles to forget:
Emba-rrassing
It's suboats to be fun
The wetter here is awful

Moments of greatness:
1. The creation of Rick O'Pedia
2. "...the conference I'm going to is going to be a total loukaniko fest..." -- [From Strike 1.]
3. The acronym er/uk. When sounded out as one word it's the same as my name! I hope by now you've all figured that out.

Moments of insanity:
Knut, the polar bear from Berlin

Blog of the year:
1. www.deadspin.com
270. http://cemusic.blogspot.com
70,949. http://er-uk.blogspot.com

Person of the year:
1. Vladimir Putin
2. You

The er/uk Best Of Times/Worst of Times 2007 Year End Spectacular

If you're looking for The er/uk Best Of Times/Worst of Times 2007 Year End Spectacular, you've come to the right place!

But if you thought I was going to write it today you must be crazy. I'm way too busy. Packing and moving and buying gifts and going to see amazing football matches between Arsenal and Tottenham and showing my cousin Nate around the city and finishing things up at work, etc.

I'll do it when I'm home in Goshen. I'm sure I can find a few spare moments between meals.

Look forward to seeing a lot of you over the next few weeks. We'll talk soon. I love you guys.

Holler at me

Just bought tix for Arsenal v Tottenham tomorrow. HUGE!

Also busy packing and moving and hiring Eastern European cleaners.

Today is the last day to submit your nominations for The er/uk Best Of Times/Worst of Times 2007 Year End Spectacular!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go see a museum about a crack.

To do list

In Goshen:

1. Eat applesauce.
2. Eat a variety of homemade baked goods including cinnamon rolls.
3. Sample a variety of cereals which are not available in the UK (Trix, Corn Chex, etc.)
4. Eat haystacks.
5. Meet my new nephew David for the first time.
6. Stay at my parent's new house for the first time.
7. Have awkward run-ins with people from high school.

In New York:

1. Eat pizza purchased between 3 and 5am.
2. Eat brunch.
3. Go to the Brooklyn Tabernacle.
4. Hang out with some tarts and chips.
5. HAVE THE BEST NEW YEARS EVER!
6. Buy another suit. And some lean cut shirts.

In Charlottesville:

1. Continue spending dollars and - by virtue of the exchange rate - save money (pounds) with every purchase.
2. Beat Anne Logue at ping pong.
3. Eat at Continental Divide.
4. and Ten.
5. and C&O.
6. and Guadalajara.
7. and Basil.
8. and 5 Guys.
9. and Mel's.
10. and Riverside.

I must be hungry.

11. and Mas.

Learning.co.uk

Thanks for submitting to my advances. To send in nominations for basically anything about my blog you'd like to nominate, including:

1. Best blog posts.
2. Worst blog posts.
3. Best and worst titles.
4. Best and worst attempts at humo(u)r.
5. Oliver you're a jerk for submitting so many negative ones.

Keep them coming everyone but Oliver.

If I were a genius website developer -- and I just might be; I've just never tried -- I would amalgamate all of the great new learning games onto one site and donate all the proceeds to my future pacifist political party: the Dove Party.

So far here are the list of sites that would be linked there:

Free Rice: www.freerice.com
Use it to learn how to talk good.

The Traveler IQ Challenge: www.travelpod.com/traveler-iq
Use it to learn about all the places you've never been and also to realize how average you are at pinpointing the location of places you've already been.

Toodles.

Help make submission plural

So far I've received two submissions for my top 10 posts of the year. Top 2 list doesn't have the same ring to it so please let your nominations be known.

Mom if you don't send one in I'm not going to put my dishes in the sink when I'm home and will use the kitchen sink to wash my hands and brush my teeth.

Or maybe I should do a worst 10 posts of the year. I'm worried that nominations might max out my inbox. But yeah let's change it to a top 5 list and do best and worst.

I'll start (or actually I'll go third):

Best Post: http://er-uk.blogspot.com/2007/08/today-legend-was-born.html
Worst Post: http://er-uk.blogspot.com/2007/06/bathing.html

You can also nominate posts just purely based on the titles (best and worst titles of the year). And you can also nominate your favorite one-liners or one of my many failed attempts at humor.

Just looking back through the archives brought back a lot of memories. Good times. I really enjoy rereading things that I thought were funny and interesting. I hope I'm not the only one.

Last week of the year

The blogging year, that is. On Sunday I go home and then on a little hybrid work-vaca tour of the USA!USA!USA!

Got back from gay Paree after a nice weekend that saw Arsenal beat Chelsea AND injure their captain. He was hurt during a genuine attempt for the ball by Arsenal's right midfielder. The Chelsea players and coach thought it merited a red card as an intentional foul. I'm going to give the Arsenal player the benefit of the doubt in this case and say that he was, in fact, trying to hurt the Chelsea player.

Keep those GOAT (Greatest Of All Time) blog nominations coming in -- I've already received between 1 and 2.

GOAT 07

Hello all and a very happy Friday.

As a very special year end blog I'm hoping to do a Best Of, from my blogs this year. I'm hoping for 10 but that would mean that I wrote 10 memorable blogs over the last 9 months, which may be a bit of a stretch considering some of the drivel that's been published here.

That said, if a particular post stands out to, please send me an email or post a comment. I'll aggregate the results and will then post a commemorative Best Of blog next week that you can all print out and put into your box of er/uk keepsakes.

I'm off to France for the weekend so you'll have extra time to think it over. Ohr vwahr!

TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY!

I know, I know: this is unheard of.

But I just wanted to mention that I'm soooo excited because today is the day that baseball dies.

I'm going to do something cultural

Saturday I'm going to Normandy.
Next week I'm going to the theatre.

Also, I now wear a monocle.

Chopsticks

I'm getting pretty good at them, and forming a strange muscle in my hand that's given me a much needed boost to my endurance. I can get through a whole Phad Thai without resting or anything.

Apart from that it's a pretty slow news day.

What's in a name?

I'm sure many of you have read Freakonomics. If you haven't, it's worth a look and shouldn't take you less than a few days to get through. Unless you're my dad in which case you're still only 1/3 of the way through the second easiest and most readable book of the past few years: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time.

To be fair, he devours magazines.

Freakonomics has a chapter about names and about how first names can be correlated with the education level of the parents. Also some interesting notes about how names cycle through generations and social classes. And some funny stories about twins named Winner and Loser, and children named Oranjello and Lemonjello.

More recently there was a NYTimes article about the most common names in the U.S. and how for the first time two Hispanic names are in the top 10. My last name isn't in the top 5,000 list, which means I'm probably more interesting than you.

Now there's this thing about how parents are naming their kids bizarre things so that they're more Google-able. It's true, it is tough to look up the girls I meet when they have really simple names. I never even called Mandy Smith back.

I've been inspired by some of the European names I've come across. I'm going to name my sons Indy, Menno and Oskar. And my daughter Stella.

Now about finding that wife*.

*But then again there was an interesting article in last week's Daily Telegraph about how men who are at least 15 years the senior of their wives have bigger families. And since I'm looking to build a dynasty, that suits me. And since that means that my future bride may be celebrating her 12th birthday, I've got plenty of time.

My flight leaves in 2 weeks

I have a pretty nice little December planned if everything goes according to plan.

A lot of my stress level will depend on executing a successful move from my current flat to the new one that I already put a deposit and first month's rent on and was supposed to move into on December 1. Estate agents are terrible people. They're almost as bad as doormen. Who are almost as bad as people who hit you with their car and don't stop (stay strong Matthew).

Which is to say that apart from criminals, it doesn't get much lower than estate agents and doormen.

But back on point -- a move, a weekend trip to Paris and Normandy, a few more contracts at work, and I'll be a happy camper when I head home on the 23rd. I'm a bit sad that I missed the 'phews in their Christmas play (one was baby Jesus by the way, as if you needed to ask), but I'll see them in a few weeks and will be bringing good tidings of great joy to all the people [of Goshen].

I did

I did stay up to watch it, although only online. Mayweather won. GO AMERICA!

This was one of those where, if I were living in the States I would've cheered for Hatton, but living here I had to cheer for Mayweather. And that's because I don't like to see people with big heads. I like it when the people around me get knocked down a little. Humility does a body good.

US v UK

I think I might stay up and watch the Mayweather v Hatton boxing match tonight. It should start by 5am or so.

Knut, the polar bear from Berlin

So there's this famous polar bear cub in Germany. His name is Knut. He's one year old this week. During the year he went from weighing 2 pounds (day 1) to weighing 250 pounds (day 365).

I was a fat baby. I weighed over 9 pounds. Applying the same growth multiple as Knut would have put me at around 1,200 pounds at my first birthday.

Or if I were to start growing at that rate today, I would go from 150 pounds to nearly 19,000 pounds by next December. So I'd need some new clothes for Christmas mom. And I'd also eat a lot.

Something to think about.

Berlin

Never been there, but I guess I'm going there next summer on July 8. To see Radiohead.

Swweeeeeet.

9 months in

Don't worry Mom, I'm not pregnant. But I have been here, in London, for 9 months as of today.

I know I say this all the time, but time really goes by pretty fast. In March I was a skinny, lanky, heartbroken dreamer who liked to impose his perspective and ideas on his friends and family by conversation. And look at me now! A skinny, lanky, headstrong dreamer who promotes his perspectives and ideas to friends and family and complete strangers through a blog. And also through conversation.

Ok so times change but things stay the same. Really I can't say that the last 9 months or moving to a city have changed me much. I may have stopped looking for middle-aged or pregnant women and old people to volunteer my seat to on the Tube, but I'll still give it up when the opportunity arises. Also when I walk around I look more at the ground than I do at the skyline, but that just means I have more coins in my pocket: I'm still economical (cheap).

I might also walk around with more determination and vigor. I don't wait for the walk sign and I will jam myself onto an uncomfortably crowded train without any apology.

And because there are some bad parts to London, I've perfected a facial expression/gait that suits any potentially volatile situation. It can be perceived as tough, drunk, distracted, good-humored, or lost. Or all of the above. It diffuses things before they become an issue.

Other than that, I'm the same. Oh except I wear skinny jeans now and a scarf everyday. And occasionally I sport a mullet.

And I say: mate, right, hiya, cheers, sorry, FA, pint, football and alright multiple times per day.

But other than that.

Muji

That's a cool store.

For those of you in the States -- not sure if it's there yet but if not it's coming soon. Same with Zara and Uniqlo.

Bought some knicknacks and some pattywacks.

These are a few of my least favo(u)rite things

Olives
Sweet Potatoes
Mushrooms

I don't eat any of the above if I can avoid it. But especially not either of the first two. I think olives are disgusting -- all wet and meaty and brown/green. Sick.

Sweet Potatoes I'm not really sure. I've never really tried them because my brother and I mutually decided NOT to like them or ever eat them when we were younger. Except for a case when someone secretly fed them to me when I was temporarily blind, I've never knowingly had them. I only hope that my dear brother is also honoring our pointless truce.

Mushrooms I'm kind of okay with now, depending on the context.

In a pretty serious turn of events, I've gone from never eating mayo to eating it quite often. That all changed when I started eating burgers at Mel's Diner in Charlottesville. Mel really knows what some mayo can contribute to a burger, and I respected him enough to give it a chance. I've never looked back.

Today I was worthless

I didn't do anything today. Waste of a day. Not sure what the reason was behind my complacency.

This frustrates me even while it's happening, and I'm sure many of you have the same moments of clarity even while somehow simultaneously knowing that you probably won't do much to change the course. There's more to the elephant/rider analogy than I'd like to believe.

What I really want to do in life is to do something great. So today I should've worked towards that. I feel as though I've been blessed with a lot of diverse talents, and to this point I've done a reasonable job of cultivating a lot of them partially.

For instance, I think I'm pretty good, but not great, at the following things:

1. My job.

2. Writing a blog.

3. Most sports.

4. Singing.

5. Playing instruments.

6. Dancing (debateable).

7. Being memorable.

8. Being spontaneous.

9. Being kind.

10. Being generous.

11. Being confident.

12. Being a friend.

So I'm going to start focusing more and working towards bringing one or several of these up a level. To greatness (as defined by me).

Starting tomorrow.

200th post!

So I guess that means I've been in London for 200 days. Wow.

I did notice the other day that I have officially replaced soccer with football in my vocab. I clicked on a link for football on a website and was surprised that it was American football.

Nice to be here for a full weekend even though there is a stressful component to things since I was expecting to move today but am not able to because the new flat has not been OK'd by the council. So maybe I'll move during the week, or next weekend or maybe even the weekend after. In the meantime I have to hope my current flat doesn't get let so I have a place to sleep. Things will work out.

Mortality -- hot or not?

This week has been a sobering one. My friend's grandma died. My colleague's roommate's father died. My November 22 death anniversary came and went. Sean Taylor died. All chances of seeing the sun in London during November died.

Also the past two mornings when I got out of bed, I got really dizzy. I get head rushes from time to time when I'm laying down and jump up quickly. And I kind of enjoy them. But on these two occasions I stood up and teetered around and slammed into walls. I kind of enjoyed that too but I was also like: WHAT?!

Anyhoo, I think I just need to eat at more regular intervals, start hitting the gym again and keep the ole' blood sugar at a more consistent level. And maybe I should stop OD'ing on gnocchi and stroopwafels.

Also, based on the comments and inspiration from my readers, I changed my movie and now one of the main characters dies. I think it's just the gravitas that the story required. If you want to read it, let me know and I'll send you a copy. It's 104 pages.

So yeah thanks for your feedback. I got the required amount of responses so I dropped my strike after a single day. So for now I will continue writing the blog and my scab will have to keep finding temp work.

I forgot I was supposed to die last week

During college I had a very vivid dream in which I learned that I would be dying on November 22nd of an undisclosed year. Looks like I'll be around for at least another year!

Typically towards the end of November, I start thinking about what I'll be doing on the 22nd, and whether any of those activities could end in tragedy. If I would've been thinking about it last week it would've been unnerving to realize that my day was filled with riding 4 trains and flying on a commuter jet. And spending the entire day with people I don't really know and half of it in a different country. But then again the Dutch are so kind.

Anyhoo, glad to have that behind me and know that I'm invincible until next year.

By the way in the dream I was shot in the back by an unknown shooter while leaning into the back seat of a parked car. My mom was sitting in the passenger's seat looking right at me, so she may know something I don't. Not sure who was in the driver's seat either. But I distinctly remember looking down and seeing a bullet emerge from my chest and knowing that that was it. And then I remember dying in my dream and it being complete peace.

This is kind of related -- if you've ever had one of those dreams where you just fall and fall... the rumor is that you always wake up before you land. Well not so for my dad. He lands all the time.

Strike, subsequent riots

No, I'm not talking about Paris. I'm talking about my failed solicitation for comments/ideas on my movie. Apart from Ben Wideman, who still has the imagination of a 10 year old, the rest of you have been quiet. And that quiet is coming from a bunch of friends and family who usually won't shutup.

So I'm going on blog strike, and I'll probably burn a car or something because that's what happens eventually. No new content until I hear from at least a 10% of my constituency (approximately 5 people, counting Ben). That should be easy.

Speaking of Paris though, I hope they get that all sorted out before my weekend trip there (my last trip of the year before heading home for Christmas) in December.

Yeah go on

No new blog today as punishment since no one sent me any comments or ideas in response to yesterday's post.

Come on people, engage yourselves! I know you have good ideas and creative minds even if all you do all day is browse around the internet amusing yourself with substandard blogging.

How should my screenplay end?

So I'm going to finish this movie I've been writing on and off since March, in the hopes of dropping a few copies off during my trip to New York over New Years.

I'm really happy with the story so far. I think it's got potential. I just don't know how to end it. So I'm going to explain the story and themes here, and please let me know either via the notes or email or some other format how you think I should end it. Seriously. I need some real inspiration and I know one of you will point me in the right direction if you give it a few minutes of thought.

ACT I

Married couple in their upper twenties living in the midwest. Husband is the main character; he works in middle management; a bit naive because of the small/homogenous world he's always lived in and a bit complacent because his parents died while he was in college. So he's kind of stuck in the 90s. His wife is a nurse; wants kids right away; is growing distant from her husband because he won't grow up; has developed an addiction to painkillers.

The wife disappears and the husband struggles to figure out what's happened. He's given some cryptic assurances that she's not hurt when he finds out that a patient at the hospital -- an African woman who's just fallen into a coma -- had developed a friendship with his wife. But in any case she's gone away for a while. He has to come to terms with that but also just learn to function on his own.

The husband eventually finds out that his wife has gone to Africa. In an altered state after a company party he buys a plane ticket to go and find her.

ACT II

The husband arrives in the wrong country and is immediately robbed. He's taken in by a kind family with some similarities to his own, and in the process of living with them he learns a lot about himself and his place in the world.

ACT III

The husband returns home with a new outlook on life (still no sign of his wife). His wife comes back into the picture and most of the confusion is explained away by a series of innocent misunderstandings.... or are they?

Should they get back together? Have a baby? Should a baby be on the way? Whose? Happy ending, tragedy or irony?


If your idea is good enough to push me over the finish line, you might even get a screenwriting credit when the movie is released national-wide starring Nick Thune in the role of John Bird, Kirsten Dunst in the role of Jane Bird, with Larry Bird appearing as himself. (oh yeah, did I mention it's hilarious?!)

Country M&A

While touring around Northern Ireland last week, a ridiculous idea occurred to me that I'd like to publish here: we should buy Mexico.

This came about during a tour of Derry. If you're not familiar with the history of Northern Ireland (or it's present day status), it's worth learning about. Present day status is that Northern Ireland is a constituent country of the UK. My Irish friend Rick O'Pedia gives a more substantive history here, but the short story is that at one point Britain drew a line in the Republic of Ireland and claimed the top as their own, kind of. And that line wasn't expected to include the city of Derry (Free Derry as it's still referred to by many Irish/Republicans, Londonderry as it's referred to by Britain and I guess 'officially', and Derry as it's referred to by tourists who don't want to rub anyone the wrong way).

Anyhow, when the line got drawn Derry was included in the UK portion.

So that got me thinking about how random the country divisions are. From colonialism to present day Iraq, it's just a bunch of people drawing lines for their own reasons. Made me wonder why we don't think about redrawing them more often outside of civil war and the like.

So maybe we buy Mexico and do the whole deal like corporate M&A (Mergers & Acquisitions). We pay a premium of 15 or 20% on GDP to the shareholders (all Mexicans), and give stock options and board positions to the Mexican government (where stock options = futures of some sort and board positions = seats on local and national government).

Then we put together some sort of integration plan for labour and state divisions/standardization, language and currency.

With the reorganization we get the benefits of a shorter border to protect. Our current border is 3,141km. That's a big and expensive wall. Our new border would be with Guatemala and Belize: 871km's with Guate and 251km with Belize.

Combined we'd have the strengths of a developed economy and the labor of an emerging market.

We make English and Spanish the national languages and start teaching everyone both instead of insisting that somehow speaking two languages is a bad thing.

...that's about as far I got. Lots of holes including the obvious fact that Mexicans are proud to be Mexican and also the fact that by combining countries you combine cultures and ultimately lose traditions and all of that, and it's probably not worth thinking anymore about. But whatever. Blogs are perfect for this kind of Sunday afternoon rambling.

USA!M!
(actually we wouldn't even need to change the name)

Black Friday/Buy Nothing Day

Being out of the country, I completely forgot that yesterday was my least favorite day of the year: Black Friday (or as I call it and I hope you do too: Buy Nothing Day).

This year I'm thankful that I didn't have to hear news stories about people lining up at Walmart at 4am so they could trample over each other at 5am in an effort to buy a flat-screen TV or new video game console at a low price; attempts that will give them a momentary feeling of false accomplishment, followed a month later by a few moments of misguided happiness, followed by another year of emptiness.

I know it's callous but I really hate Black Friday and retail therapy and the giving of gifts as an alternative or perceived supplement to investing real time and energy towards the most important relationships.

Ok, getting off the soapbox now.

Eastbound

I'm back in town and will be moving flats next weekend. Decided to go the easy route and move in with two friends of a friend who were flat-hunting at the same time and came across a 3BR. Which meant I never had to look at places and there are three of us to divide the paperwork (and rent/utilities) between.

On the flip side, since I've been out of town for the last two weeks, it means I'll be moving into an apartment I've never seen in an area I've never been to with a flatmate I've never met (I know 1 of 2).

So that's exciting.

My new address will be something extremely intriguing like: "The Denim Factory, Flat 10, Whitechapel".

It'll be interesting to see how much stuff I've accumulated since I moved here in March with all my possessions packed into 4 bags (and a carry-on).

Hi everyone!

I'm back. For the day. Tomorrow I'm off again for what will likely be my last work trip of the year. So Holland through Thursday (Thanksgiving unless you're working in the UK in which case it's just called Thursday).

Last week I was traveling with my good friend/former housemate/current work colleague Travis Geiser. Saturday we flew to Copenhagen. We were there for the weekend before heading to Dublin on Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday night we took the train to Galway, on the west coast of the Republic. After a night there we headed north on a long bus ride to [London/Free]Derry in Northern Ireland. Spent two nights there before ending the trip in Belfast.

Had a pretty good go of it, making the best of some pretty poor cold/wet weather. Copenhagen was especially cold but also pretty enjoyable. It's a really nice place; lots of attention on microbreweries and sausages. In the summer it'd be absolutely ace. Since it's noticeably not summer, we got snowed on there. Hard. Ireland was more just wet but also turned cold in the end. Fair bit of sightseeing and we stayed in some nicer places and also some pretty low grade ones. But then variety is the spice of life.

Recurring themes from the trip were (1) happening upon random Mexican restaurants and eating at them; (2) Elton John songs; (3) being cold and/or wet; (4) nearly being hit by rollerbladers (still incredibly popular among Eurotrash).

One awesome thing that happened during the trip was: the hostess at a restaurant asked me my surname. I said Sir Eric. Zing!

So tomorrow it's Amsterdam. I hope it's dry.

Back Friday.

Second Friday

Aye. It's been one of those weeks where every day I think it's a day later in the week than it actually is. Stupid Wednesday but I thought it was Thursday. And now today is Friday again.

Anyhoo... some news, hmmm. Something interesting for you all to read...

hmmm.

Okay well I've been looking for flats lately. Tough job here in Londres what with all the shady estate agents and outrageous prices. I think I know where I want to live down to a few blocks, so at least I've got a pretty specific focus. And I know what I'd like to pay and what I might need to pay (if you live in a small town, rent is comparable to a mortgage for a house on a golf course).

If you're interested in the geography, I'm looking as far west as Farringdon, as far east as Bethnal Green, as far north as Angel, and as far south as Aldgate. That's kind of a crooked square but it works.

Right, so now that's really my last post for 9 days. Start the countdown.

P-T-O Y do Americans like to work so much?

Despite a generous U.S. corporate holiday policy, I still have less paid holiday than a typical U.K. employee. Starting October 1 of this year, British law required that all full-time employees be given a minimum of 24 paid holidays per annum. A typical policy here would consist of 25 days + a few sick days each year (starting from day 1).

In April of 2009 the minimum will be raised to 28 days (which can include public & bank holidays). If you work more than 48 hours/week, you must sign an opt-out agreement. Otherwise working more than 48 hours on a weekly basis is illegal.

And the U.K.'s policy is less generous than that of much of Europe. Some have a maximum 35 hour work week (Le French); some get 6 weeks holiday (Ze Germans).

Me, I'm happy with my policy so long as I can sprinkle in the occasional business trip or hybrid business/pleasure trip. Work hard, play hard.

So I'm playing hard in Copenhagen this weekend and all over Ireland next week with my buddy Travis, who is a good friend because he's visiting me here. Are you a good friend? If you've not been a good friend, start making some plans for the spring. The blog will be making cricket sounds until I return so give www.kayak.com a look in the meantime.

Blah Bloh Blog

"You alright?" = sounds accusatory, but actually just means hi

"Straight away" = now

"Take away" = to-go

"Ace!" = great!

"have done/did do" = abbreviated ways of saying you've done something

"Who are you?" = you're terrible at whatever you're doing and a bad person

"Naff" = not cool.

"Taking the piss (out of someone)" = teasing them

"Smart" = high class; new word posh people use instead of posh

"If she sounds good on the phone, add 2 stone" = mean old English blokes

The new workout plan

Going to any Eurogym is an experience. From the less-than-modest spandex patches of the hammam to the highly entertaining stretching routines brought to us via Eastern Europe, there is something for everyone.

Alternative workouts are the name of the game lately. When I first started going to Virgin Active, Boxing Fitness classes were all the rage. That was followed by Russian Kettleball workouts. Which was followed by this Boot Camp type class where this humongous guy screams at you. And most recently we have Power Plates. The newest trend consists of standing on a vibrating platform while exercising; it's marketed as taking 10 minutes for an entire workout. I tried it once but I had to scratch my nose continuously.

Kettleballs are pretty hilarious, but the Boot Camp thing has the highest unintentional quotient.

We'll call it... another loss

This time from the No Fun League. Colts blew it.

Watching the game at the most miserable sports bar ever compounded things, but somehow, after the game I was completely consolable. Which is a departure from the past for sure. Games like this used to leave me sick to my stomach for a good 3-4 days. I think it's because I've replaced [American] football with [European] football as my primary sport of interest. Which was good timing given Arsenal's form of late. Lots fewer commercials too, which is nice.

We'll call it a loss

Notre Dame lost to Navy. They play every year and unless you're older than 44, you would've never seen Notre Dame lose.

Seemed like the worst thing in the world last night when I saw the final score, and it put me in a pretty foul mood. But then I realized there are worse things in the world, like Boston College being undefeated.

We'll call it a draw

Arsenal 2, Manchester United 2.

Probably a fair end result and it took a fantastic injury-time goal to even it up.

As sly as a Fawkes

Ever wonder why we call people "guy"?

Remember, remember the fifth of November,
The gunpowder, treason and plot,
I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

So this dude Guy Fawkes tried to blow up Parliament a long time ago (1605). And here in London this weekend we'll be celebrating that he failed! And also starting bonfires and setting off fireworks to symbolize burning Guy at the stake (even though he was hung -- a more humane method of institutional killing we can all agree).

He was also gently tortured: The gentler tortours [tortures] are to be first used unto him, et sic per gradus ad maiora tenditur [and thus by steps extended to greater ones], and so God speed your good work."

God loves speedy tortour.

Big game

Saturday
Noon
Arsenal v Manchester United
Emirates Stadium

Teams are tied for first place in the league.
Arsenal is my favo(u)rite team.
Manchester United are ________s.
Stadium is 10 minutes from my flat.
Tickets are... £175... if I'm lucky.
And that's not a dollar sign.

Worth it?

Geneve Lopez

Nice if you like chocolate, watches, diplomacy and all that.

I won't be posting any pictures though. I have a new camera and haven't yet learned to monitor the battery level, meaning I couldn't take daytime pictures of the beautiful lake or old town because I killed the battery trying to take a long exposure night shot of a swan in the lake. Which in hindsight had no chance of being a good picture.

End of October already. Oi.

Dissonance and reconciliation

1. In Paris, on the subway: a gentleman steps onto the train wearing a beret and scarf, and sporting a thin mustache. He is obviously the Frenchiest French guy ever. And then he speaks. In English. With a strong southern accent. WHAT?! This isn't something I can understand.

Consider the opposite: an overweight guy wearing a trucker hat drinking Busch Light in a truckstop in Alabama. But he is somehow French and only speaks French. It doesn't happen.

2. What world is Todd Helton living in with that World Series goatee? There is simply no way of explaining that away.

3. The worst city in the world to have a head cold in? My vote is Paris on a cold, rainy day. At least until they institute the smoking ban.

Silly Gringos

As you know, my parents were in town. And then we were collectively out of town on a pretty grueling road trip through Italy. And then they continued on to Belgium and Holland before returning to London, while I came home and recovered from walking 10 miles or so per day.

They're good fun, those two. There is nothing pretentious about them, which is something I've always admired. But that may lead to the occasional bad joke and some silliness that aggravate the French. Thankfully we were in Italy.



Good old dad. He lost a bet in Cinque Terra and had to dress in drag for one day. He looked good in a skirt.



For being a teetotaller, he sure does look drunk in a lot of pictures.



Bless them. I miss 'em already.

P.S. I'm out of town from tomorrow through Monday night, on business in Paris and Geneva. I added some pictures to my London, aye? and I walked 500 miles posts to keep you occupied during my absence.

Hup Holland!

Tomorrow I'm going to Rotterdam for the day, which is just as cool as it sounds.

So no post tomorrow but back Wednesday when I'll try to post some pics.

London, aye?

With my parents in town, I finally saw some London sights. First time I've seen Westminster Abbey and the Houses of Parliament (or at least made a point of noticing them).

I also rode the London Eye. It was a bit expensive at about $30 for a 30 minute ride (it's a humongous Ferris wheel that goes really slow -- you just go around once). Excellent views and yesterday was a nice sunny fall day so the timing was good.

The stats on the London Eye are that on busy weekend days 12 - 15,000 people ride. That's cash flow homie.

The soundtrack of my life

Last night I FINALLY saw a good representation of Broken Social Scene in concert. To be fair, it was a kind of convaluted version of the band -- it was a portion of the band playing Broken Social Scene songs in addition to most of the new album by one of the band's founding members, Kevin Drew. (For a better history of BSS -- read this.)

So the name of the show was Broken Social Scene Presents: The Spirit If... by Kevin Drew.

And that new album is phenomenal. And they did play a decent amount of classic BSS stuff. Cause = Time was a highlight, Lover's Spit was a highlight, Emily Haines coming out for 7/4 Shoreline was a highlight. I was just happy to be there.

Broken Social Scene is the music best representative of my 20s. I'd say Dave Matthews Band was the band of my 10s, if we're putting things into decades.

If we were to split it into 5-year increments, I'd say:

10-15: Boyz II Men
15-20: Dave Matthews Band
20-25: Ryan Adams
25-30: Broken Social Scene

If I had to guess which bands will define my next stages, I'd guess:

30-35: Wilco
35-40: Harry Connick Jr.
40-45: Backstreet Men
45-50: Men II Old Men

You're cutting it close mister

I've always had the bad habit of leaving things until the last minute -- when meeting up with people, leaving for work, arriving at the airport, etc.

This adds minutes of free time to my life, but also adds back an equivalent amount of stress.

Here are two recent Hall of Fame type instances.

1. Train to Dorset leaves at 11:20am. I leave my flat at 10:45, with no ticket and no real idea how best to get to the train station, which is on the opposite side of London. I arrive in the train station at 11:18am, buy a ticket on the train, and sit down as the train begins to move. I'm seated across from my colleague Oliver and friend Maurice. Oliver has just finished betting Maurice that I will appear and sit down just as the train is departing.

2. Rental car due at Rome's Ciampino airport at 1pm. We depart Siena for Rome on a quarter tank of gas at 10am. For the first portion of the trip, I decide to navigate us on the scenic route through Tuscany. This is a beautiful drive, but at 11am we're still at least 2 hours away from the airport, to which I have only basic directions. At 12:50 we're 10 minutes from the airport, and the gas light has been on for 20 minutes (thankfully you can return the car with the tank empty). We pull into the airport at 2 minutes till 1pm, park the car, find the Avis counter and return the paperwork. "Is the tank full or empty?" "Empty." "How empty?" "Empty."

It's a gift.

Or is it a curse?

I walked 500 miles

So I'm back from a little trek through Italy with the 'rents. Man do they love gelati. And walking. I think it's some sort of evil self-imposed punishment/reward regime.

I ate gelato everyday and we averaged somewhere around 8 miles per day walking -- I'll get the actuals all added up and report them here later. Which is possible because my mom has a pedometer. So in addition to actual distance traveled, I'll also be able to tell you how many steps we took and how many of those were 'aerobic' steps.

Our itinerary was:
Saturday - Genoa
Sunday - Cinque Terra; we set-up camp in Vernazza
Monday - Florence
Tuesday - Siena
Wednesday - Rome

The Cinque Terra was definitely a highlight. Do a Google image search (or just look at the pictures below) and you'll see why. I also really liked Siena. I liked Florence more than last time (in the year 2000!) and Rome less.



Most days our routine went something like this:
early - Mom & Dad wake up, take showers and get ready, eat breakfast in the hotel.
right before leaving - I wake up.
mid-morning - we drive to the new destination. Dad is unimpressed with my navigation skills, responding with passive-aggressive comments about probable faster routes and my inability to deliver perfect information when he needs it, and complete silence when he does not. Mom sits in the back seat and smiles lovingly.
early afternoon - arrival in the next town; check-in to the hotel if one was reserved or finding one if no reservation was made. In the Cinque Terra we stayed in some kind of guestroom owned by a guy named Francesco. Lunch.
afternoon - we would walk a lot.
late afternoon - Gelati (the plural of Gelato).
early evening - back to the hotel for Dad to change into jeans, a fresh embroidered logo polo, and an embroidered logo jacket; quick nap for me.
evening - dinner, coffee, desert.
still pretty early evening - Mom and Dad crash for the night. I wander around the city looking for trouble.

Hazelnut Gelato is pretty great.

So now I'm back and my folks are walking around Belgium and Holland for a few days without me. They get back on Sunday afternoon and we'll probably walk some more, and then eat some more.

Emba-rrasing

So I've always pictured embassies like the one in that Val Kilmer movie (someone remember the name for me). Elisabeth Shue is running towards the gates, passport open, and the gates open for her and shut quickly behind. And then inside there are comfortable couches and tea with biscuits.

But this morning I went to get extra pages added to my passport and was brought to the cold reality that embassies are usually ugly buildings with bored, underpaid workers. Just an international version of the DMV.

But after waiting in line outside, sitting on the benches inside (while reading a hilarious America propoganda magazine called "The American"), my extra pages were added. So they got the job done.

With that said, the 'rents have arrived. Off to Italia for bad-pizza-that-they-think-is-good-pizza and a tour from Genoa to Rome. So the blog will be disturbingly quiet from now til next Thursday. Be warned. Maybe start your own blog (?) which would take about 10 seconds.

Bavaria

Salzburg. It's all about Mozart and The Sound of Music. The hills are really alive there. With the. Sound. Of Music.

Speaking of The Sound of Music -- the hostel I stayed in showed it every night at 8pm. And I was kind of embarrassed to know most of the words... to most of the songs.

Beautiful town though. It's a good town for old people to visit.

Munich on the other hand, is all about the bier and the weissbier. It's a good town for annoying Australians and Samoans to visit.

I knew most of the words to most of the songs that were played here too. And I kind of learned the words to this German toasting song that was played at least once hourly:

Ein Prosit, Ein Prosit, sum germudlicht kite,
Ein Prosit, Ein Prosit, sum germudlicht kite!

(And then we would all say something that sounded like): Unce, Fie, Dry, Sofa

They also did that Ziggy-Zaggy-Ziggy-Zaggy- Oye! Oye! Oye! cheer which was made popular in the States on The Man Show (awful show, that).

Everything's big there during Oktoberfest. It's in tents.

Things I've lost, or nearly lost

Last week I lost my woolie. It's the second woolie I've lost since moving to London. And then in Salzburg I lost my scarf.

Here's the complete list of things I've lost recently:
1. My gray woolie. It fell out of my pocket somewhere. It was a bad idea to put it in my back pocket.
2. My gray and blue striped scarf. Left it in this Argentine girlscout's backpack.
3. My brown woolie. Left it on a bus. It was a bad idea to fall asleep on the bus.
4. Some money. From when I got scammed on that Arsenal season ticket. It was a bad idea to wire money to Singapore.
5. My flip-flops when I was in Portugal. I left them on the beach and then it got windy and the sand covered them up and I couldn't find them.
6. Several pairs of sunglasses and gloves.
7. My entire Rickey Henderson baseball card collection. For a bunch of Shawn Kemp basketball cards. Bad trade.

Here are things that I thought I lost but really just misplaced:
1. This really soft t-shirt with a lion-shaped silhouette. I saw a picture of myself wearing it, which reminded me that I once wore it often. But then I looked for it and couldn't find it. So then I accused my ex-girlfriend of stealing it (she was in the picture), but she denied any wrongdoing. She was vindicated when I found it at the back of my closet. It's still really soft.

Here are things that I haven't realized I've lost yet:
1.


Tomorrow: pictures from Salzburg! and Munich!
Later this week: how I just found out that one of my best friends was hit by a car (he's okay) and why that means we should all tell the people that we love that we love them more often.

Prost x10

Here's how to make your own Oktoberfestbier:

Take one American county fair. Add several million people in the following percentages:

70% Bavarian (with 50% in traditional lederhosen)
10% other non-descript Germans
8% overzealous and most often obnoxious Australians, Italian, English, Samoans and American fratboys.
6% Asians
4% Dutch guys who like the girls but prefer Dutch beer
2% really out of place and confused sober people

In place of livestock in the barns, insert people as an exact substitution, with the same rations of food and drink.

Accompany these masses with traditional German folk songs as well as pop hits from the 1980s and '90s, including "Angels" by Robbie Williams and "Living on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi.

Keep the gaudy ferris wheels, carnie games and roller coasters. Add quite a bit of quality and variety to the food booths, including the roasting of oxen and endless amounts of sausages and sausage-inspired cuisine.

Employ no-nonsense personnel in all service and security positions.

Open gates at 7am, livestock barns (called tents) at 9am; close at 11pm.

Repeat for 16 days.

Oktoberfest by the numbers

I'm leaving tomorrow for Munich by way of Salzburg and will be there for the closing weekend.

- There are 14 main tents, each with a unique beer/wine offering. Most have traditional brass bands playing throughout the day and night. And some of them have yodelers.

- 12,000 people work there. 1,600 of them are those are barmaids that can carry 12 steins at a time as well as beat me at arm wrestling.

- There is seating for 100,000 people.

- In 2006, 6.1 million mugs of beer were sold.

- You can also eat food there. Last year 102 roasted oxen were consumed, along with 219,443 pairs (?) of sausage and 459,279 chickens.

I'm going to meet up with my good friend Sebastian who I haven't seen for 4 years or so. He's German, from Germany. The real thing.

Yesterday I went to this techno party

It was crazy. I was the only one not wearing skinny jeans, ironic sunglasses, designer hi-tops and a minimalist scarf. But I can throw down Red Bull with the best of them (and then lay in bed shaking 5 hours later in total regret).

Pretty good time though. I actually enjoyed it thoroughly.

Pulling up roots

I've never really given much thought to where my family came from. Not really a history buff. I remember my sister doing a pretty nerdy geneology project that she subsequently leveraged into an even nerdier geneology hobby back when I was in middle school. I think it was discovered that Mark Twain and Babe Ruth are both not-too-distant relatives. Which explains a lot.

Being here, I have become slightly more curious, but still with an underlying air of indifference. I usually tell people I'm Swiss-German.

When I was in Germany a few weeks ago I wondered whether I was genetically predisposed towards liking the food. I also made note of how easy a time everyone was having with the pronunciation of my last name. I'm going to Switzerland in a few weeks -- maybe I'll have some more "A-ha" moments. I love those. Especially when my first reaction is: I'm a genius. And that reaction is immediately followed by another "A-ha" moment which is: You're not a genius - this is something you should've known or considered a long, long time ago.

We don't get French benefits?

Still can't think of a #20

It's a perfect fall day today and I have a bunch of fun plans this weekend.

My audience enjoys my misery

I got a note from my dear cousin Amy encouraging me to write more about (I'm paraphrasing) not having friends, being lonely and out of place, and the embarrassing and awkward situations I've gotten into recently, as opposed to (I'm paraphrasing) jet-setting, my successes pulling Swedish girls, professional and social accomplishments and how happy I am to be alive.

With pessimism in mind, here's what's making headlines:

1. It's still raining. Rain expected through the weekend. And then next week = more rain.
2. And it's cold.
3. Oh, and back on the subject of rain -- when it rains people here carry umbrellas (or 'brollies'), which can hurt people.
4. I'm pretty much over the cold sweating and violent redistribution of my insides as caused by the faux-Mexican tacos I enjoyed a few days ago.
5. Once, I asked this girl out and she totally said no.
6. I had a few meeting-free days earlier this week, so I didn't shave (or shower?). I also dressed down considerably. I probably looked pretty silly to those proper Londoners with their bespoke suits and top hats.
7. Rent here is really expensive.
8. But in order to live somewhere cheaper... I'll have to move. Which is never fun. And ends up being expensive.
9. When I think about it, I'm thousands of miles away from my mom. And any baked goods she may have produced recently.
10. Notre Dame will probably be losing again tomorrow.
11. Arsenal will probably be winning, but since I got scammed out of a season ticket, that's kind of bittersweet.
12. Foreign exchange, eh? It's really just beating me while I'm down. 2:1? and now 1.4:1 for the euro? Come on guys. Even Canada's nearly level.
13. Europe seems to be largely godless.
14. Unless you're talking about money as god, in which case a quick trip down to Abacus on Thursday night can be your witness. Bottle service anyone?
15. I just realized I lost my woolie. Given that hoodies aren't really socially acceptable for non-knife-wielding members of the population, my ears are going to be cold until this gets sorted out.
16. My Pilate's instructor is never going to notice me.
17. I forgot to eat lunch again today.
18. But even if I'd remembered, how many cucumber-mayonnaise-egg-chickpea-bacon sandwiches on brown bread can one man eat?
19. Still haven't met my new nephew.

I'll just end with 19. I can't even think of a good #20. That's just me and my bad luck.

Bless.

Cheats

I'm backdating this entry, which is a little trick I occasionally use because sometimes I just don't have the time or inspiration to write something.

But because I'm quasi-OCD and need to feel like things are organized and on-track (one post everyday that I'm in town, zero when I'm traveling -- THOSE ARE THE RULES!), I sometimes need to put things in their proper place retroactively.

So mom -- don't worry: I'm a happy boy once again. The mad cow talk really was just some food poisoning from a new burrito restaurant in town. One that was so good it was almost worth it. I'm going to give them a second chance sometime soon.

Talk to you later today/tomorrow.

Unhappy cow

So last night, on the advice of some [former] friends, I went to check out Upper Street's newest burrito restaurant, Mucho Mas. The food was fantastic; similar in style and format to Atomic Burrito (C'ville favorite) or Chipotle.

But today I'm not feeling so hot. In particular, my hoofs and my mouth hurt. Not sure what that's all about. All it means to you is that today's post is short and uninspired. That and I'll probably be dead within a few days.

Until then!

Bobby Digital

So I'm no longer lugging around my 35mm, which is sort of shame. The good news is, my little Casio digital is small and light and way cheaper to operate. And once in a while it actually captures something worthwhile.

Look who's 24

So my "little" brother Kyle turns 24 today. I say "little" because he's younger than me but I could also say it because he's shorter than me.

He lives in Brooklyn. It's where the cool kids live. He's more than a little bit hipster and more than a little bit post-modern. But he doesn't have an ironic haircut.

I remember when my brother was this loser who wanted to play tennis instead of soccer, and wanted to learn how to bake cookies inside with my mom instead of letting me beat him repeatedly at the sport of his choosing outside. He was a strange kid too -- randomly developing a strange and sudden addiction to jazz music, then to Hakeem Olajuwon and the Houston Rockets, then to hardcore rap, then to chess, then to crying whenever we wrestled, then to singing, then to drama, etc. And not in that order. Even stranger to a pessimistic older brother was that he tended to have good taste in whatever his musical genre of the moment was, and be pretty successful at everything he tried hobby-wise: baking, tennis, acting, drawing, chess... his collection of gigantic chess trophies makes my single "Most Improved Player" plaque seem a little underachieving.

For my first few years of college I thought he was pretty lame. Whenever I came home he'd be wearing some clothes he stole out of my closet. Also he was really into singing but I wasn't that impressed. I could sing too and I didn't think he sounded that much better than me.

But by the end of college we'd had some real bonding moments. Like the time he threw up on my dorm room floor after eating some bad Mexican food and the time he came to a party with me and I completely ignored him, but he still managed to make some friends. I also remember sitting outside our piano room (we have one of those, seeing as how we are - as a family - so incredibly gifted musically) and hearing him sing again. And it didn't sound like me anymore. It was so amazing that I cried. Or at least, that's the way I'm going to remember it.

There was more brotherly bonding after college. We agreed to stop picking on our sister Monica for no reason. He visited Charlottesville and I'd visit New York. We saw some great concerts. He continued stealing my old clothes.

And here we are. He's 24 and more of a friend than a brother. I love the kid and I'm always cheering for him and bragging about him. I've always got his back and I'm always going to be the older (and bigger) brother with the stable-but-kind-of-boring-finance-job who will fund his hipster lifestyle as I live vicariously through his creative adventures (if he ever needs it).

If you haven't read his fantastic music blog yet, give it a read (and take his advice): http://cemusic.blogspot.com/

Sorry your brother isn't as cool as mine.

Happy Birthday Kyle.

Quaker

I think I might become one out of [in]convenience. The only Mennonite church/centre is all the way in Zone 3, a drawback those familiar with London Transport Oyster Travelcards can relate to.

Also the one time I went there was skepticism related to my first appearance coinciding with a potluck.

So I may give the Quakers a shot. I like the whole silence and quiet contemplation format. And the Peace Church thing is a must.

I wonder if they have potlucks.

Mmm mmmm

That toastie was delicious. (Toasties are nothing more than a cool name for grilled cheese sandwiches.)

I feel better.

Went to send-off party last night. At one point I looked around and made note of the geographic composition of my circle of friends for the evening. Those results:

One Venezuelan.
One Chinese Canadian.
Several Bostonians.
Some crazy English chippies.
This French guy who's always touching people inappropriately.
Another Canadian.
Another Canadian.
A few English blokes.
Co-worker from Texas.
Co-worker from Pennsylvania.
Friend of co-worker from Pennsylvania from Brooklyn (hipster, post-mod variety).
Couple chippie friends of Brooklyn friend of co-worker from Pa's (they may or may not have been 20 years old).
A guy whose parents my grandparents are friends with.

That's a typical mix. That kind of randomness and diversity is fantastic. Good old Londres.

er/uk is tired

Let him sleep. Let him take a nap, then wake him up and give him a glass of milk and a toastie.

Let him change out of this suit, as much as you love the way it fits him and the way the blue brings out his eyes -- let him put on some mesh shorts and a worn-in cotton hoodie and lay on the couch and dip tortilla chips in melted nacho cheese, while watching football (of either continental variety).

Don't allow him answer the phone or check email. Provide him with casseroles and homemade baked goods. Don't ask him how his day went or how he's finding London or what he did this week.

If you enjoy giving backrubs, er/uk may be interested.

Last time I ever go out on Thursday night.

R.I.P. Chelsea

Stick a fork in you.

Come on Arrrrsenal

I love it when Arsenal play on [Inter?]National Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Come on you Reeeeds.

Where are your friends tonight?

I moved to London in March.

In March I had no friends.
In April I met all the people who live in London that my friends in the States know via little awkwardly arranged plutonic blind-date scenarios.
By May I started to accumulate a list of folks that I could call to hang out with during the weekends.
In June they started calling me back.
In July I stopped calling them back.
In August I traveled a lot and so didn't really hang out with anyone.
When I came back in September they were all leaving town or had already left.
So in October I'm going to start kickin' it with my parents again.

The aftermath

There was good news this weekend:

1. Arsenal 3, Sp*rs 1
2. The weather.
3. That party that I went to in Dorset.
4. Colts won again.

And there was some bad news:

1. 0-38. Notre Dame 2007-08 is the worst team I've ever cheered for
2. The day after that party I went to in Dorset.

That doesn't sound too enlightened does it? For as deep a person as I'd like to think I am, I still live and die by sports, parties and the weather.

I need to pay closer attention to the ethnosphere. Maybe get back to that novel (screenplay) I've been writing, hmm?

0-38

I'm speechless.

Fox murdering

A couple of months ago I was hoping to go a conference in Hertfordshire where I might participate in a quadathalon of shooting events in addition to falconry. Sadly, this never transpired.

But all is well because tomorrow I am for sure going to Dorset where promised activities include:

1. A feast, including:
1a. Yorkshire pudding
1b. Steak
1c. Chocolate cake (though I'm more of the carrot cake type)
2. Night swimming
3. Tractor pulling
4. Cow tipping
5. A bonfire
6. Games of chance
7. Feats of strength

Anyhow I'm just sure fox hunting was accidentally left out of the list in the interest of breviloquence. I'm definitely going to kill one.

[And go on for three nil to the Arsenal!]
[And a competent showing by the Irish!]

Ibitha

This has been bugging me for a while: People, if you're not from Thpain, then it's Ibiza.

And I've heard it's a great place if you love methamphetamines and $30 drinks.

England v Russia

The hopes and dreams of England rest on this game. Started one minute ago so I better go order some fish and chips. Hold the mayo.

Low expectations

Yesterday's post was so good -- I want to make sure you're not expecting too much out of the blog. So aiming low today.

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Na cho Cheese.


That should do it.

Acropolis Now

I know, I know: Best. Title. Ever.

Got back from Athens yesterday. It was pretty great, if you're in to jet setting in 5* comforts in the Mediterranean. So it was pretty great.

I especially liked:

1. The food.
2. The fact that my hotel shower had a multiple shower head options, one being a frisbee-sized waterfall-style mechanism.
3. The supply of roof top bars and restaurants.
4. The ladies.
5. The word malakas.

Athens as a city isn't in my Top 10, but the beach/location/weather/food were incredible. And the ladies. Stunning talent there. I could go on.

I definitely need to make a return trip to the area, which will be spent checking out the Isles (a far bigger draw than Athens) and probably Turkey. It's going to be crazy malakas.

My big fat Greek conference

I'm off to Athens so the blog will be quiet through the weekend. Don't really know what to expect there but I expect I'll make the most of it. Hoping to reach the Isles after a successful few days of work at a big real estate conference.

Thanks to Gabe for the clever title.

Khairete.

Strike 1

The operating group that manages all the Underground workers is filing for bankruptcy, so the union that represents those workers has organized a friendly little strike to make sure its workers are guaranteed jobs and pensions, etc., in lieu of a contract with the city that designates the like.

So we all have to ride the bus til Thursday. Or to put it another way: everyone who usually rides the Tube is going to be sitting in my seat on the bus for the next few days. Which means I'll be standing and probably sandwiched between a few people with BO, some crying babies and a hoodie gang. Which means an escape to lovely burning Athens on Wednesday will be a welcome retreat.

Even though the conference I'm going to is going to be a total loukaniko fest.

Where we live

Me and the other two guys I work with.

I live in edgy Angel.
Oliver lives in posh Notting Hill.
Gabe lives in Wapping.

Notre Dame plays tonight which means I'll be a mess for a few months

I don't handle college football season very well. Win, lose or draw, I get very very anxious prior to games, and during games I'm basically a trainwreck. My mom used to leave the house during games; my dad usually disappeared to the garage to varnish something using his old underwear as a varnishing rag.

I'm not really able to watch games with other people who don't have the same focus and also because I'm superstitious. If things are going right I'll keep doing whatever I've been doing. Such as:

1. Once during a comeback I continuously walked to the kitchen and back to the living room in a circular pattern. Each time I passed a particular plant, I would rip off a small leaf. By the end of the game (an Irish victory), the plant was dead.

2. I once replayed the same song on iTunes over and over again for 2 1/2 hours.

3. If things aren't going right, I will shift positions, move to different places in the room, add/remove clothing, eat/drink something or stop eating/drinking something, etc.

Here's a conversation I once had with my friend Mark (granted this was during an IU basketball game, but you get the idea):

Mark enters the room midway through the game.

Mark: Hey man.
er/uk: Hey Mark.
Mark: How's the game going?
er/uk: Pretty good. Up by 10.

A few moments pass and the other team pulls within 7 points.

er/uk: If this gets any closer you're going to have to leave.
Mark: haha. Yeah ok.

A few more minutes pass and the game is tied.

er/uk: You should go.
Mark: Yeah.
er/uk: I'm serious.
Mark: What?
er/uk: Go NOW!

Mark leaves, but the damage has already been done. We lost. Way to go Mark.

This season is sure to be even more tedious as the Irish are sure to be underdogs in many games. Add to that the fact that I'm forced to watch games at an awful venue (The Sports Cafe) -- imagine taking the worst parts of an ESPN Zone and combining them with the worst parts of a Hooters.

Here goes nothing.

Back from Frankfurt, and more about the carnival

The carnival was awesome. At times (see picture below) a bit post-apocalyptic. There were a couple times when windows were broken and where the crowd seemed on the verge of turning into a mob, but mostly it was just delicious caribbean food, pleasant weather and music worth dancing to.

I guess a couple people got shot though. And/or stabbed. One time this guy apparently fired into a crowd of people, did one of those evasive somersault rolls like he was James Bond, then ran off. Classy. Overall I think there were a few hundred arrests and only 2 people fatally wounded. Not bad considering there were over a million people there.

My damage was more like £30 for corn-on-the-cob (2x), jerk chicken with peanut sauce, a smoothie, some adult beverages and a whistle.

Greece fire

I'm supposed to go to Athens next week, but I think it might be on fire.

And I forget what to do when the fire is Greece-based. You're not supposed to use water, right? You're supposed to use something else.

In the paper today there was a quote from a local, [First name]-ios [Last name]-opoulos, that said, "I had to use 300 litres of wine to try to extinguish the fire around my house".

So that settles it. I'm guessing Ouzo would also work.

I'm off to Frankfurt tomorrow so the blog will be resting for 2 days. You'll have to find something else worth getting out of bed for in the morning.

I didn't quite understand that

example 1

British English:
The carnival was quite fun this year.

American English translation:
The carnival was decent. Nothing to write home about. Even the jerk chicken was just mediocre. It was no 2002.

example 2

British English:
The carnival this year was actually quite good.

American English translation:
The carnival this year was the best thing ever. The jerk chicken was the dog's [er/uk: that's a good thing].

Got a taste of the carnival last night and I'm definitely going back for more today. It was pretty rowdy and good fun (and then again, it was "children's day").

Here's the definitive history as explained to me by my Irish friend Rick O'Pedia if you're interested: Notting Hill Carnival.

Today

I bought two suits.

More breaking news as it occurs.

Wait a minute

It's kind of warm and sunny today. What the.

Oh and this is a three-day weekend for Londres. They just call their mid-year holidays "Bank Holidays". People kind of go nuts during bank holidays. The sunshine is a nice compliment to that.

So yeah I won't be working Monday (but I did work July 4th). I need this.

Carnival

This weekend there's a Carnival in Notting Hill. If you're thinking of cotton candy you've got the wrong picture in your head. If you're thinking of carnies you're on the right track.

This is the kind of Carnival where dangerous people get really really drunk, causing shopkeepers to board up their windows for fear of looting. Many residents skip town and others hire guard dogs and extra security.

It's going to be awesome.

Athens

Apparently it's not that great. I was pretty excited to go and then someone told me everyone smokes inside (offices even) and that nothing is green -- it's concrete as far as the eye can see.

Gonna eat me some [assorted] filo [pastries and wraps] though. And drink me some ouzo.

I'll also be consuming:
- koukkia (fava beans)
- grape leaves
- kolokythoanthoi

And dipping most, if not all of it in:
- tzatziki

Greek salad there is just called salad.

London = rank

No, London's not rank (slang), Londoners and Britons in general just like to rank things, which is a kind way for saying 'they like to impose the class thing on everyday situations much like they did for their colonial occupation of India et al'.

Here are some rankings:

Grocers:
Kensington High Street Whole Foods
Waitrose
Marks & Spencer
Sainsbury's
Tesco
Iceland.co.uk
Dadyal (the 24-hour convenience store next door to my flat. I personally rank this much, much higher. At least above Marks & Spencer -- how can you be #3 and not carry peanut butter?)

Public Transport:
These guys who ride a scooter to wherever you are, fold it up and put it in your trunk, and drive you home in your own car (useful only for the drinking crowd)
Addison Lee Taxi (on demand car service)
Black Cabs
DLR (Docklands Light Rail)
Overland trains, ie. Thameslink
Tube/Underground -- Metropolitan and Hammersmith & City lines
Tube/Underground -- everything else but the East London line
Bus (kind of a hierarchy here too -- doubledeckers, extended, single, night)
Gypsy Cabs
Tube/Underground -- East London line

Sport:
Cricket
Tennis
Rugby
Football
Formula 1 (Wait nevermind, this isn't a sport. It's more just an exercise in burning as much fuel as possible in as short of time as possible.)

English football (soccerball to Americans) teams:
1. Arsenal
2. Fulham
...
...
47. Scunthorpe United
48. Liverpool
...
...
57. Leeds United
58. Man U
59. Plymouth Argyle
...
...
97. Chelsea
98. Kidderminster Harriers
99. Ebbsfleet United
...
114. Swindon Town
115. Dagenham & Redbridge
116. Tottenham

Rubik, you crazy Hungarian sculpter and architect you

I just spent the last 2+ hours solving a Puzzle with Pieces Rotatable in Groups (the original name of the Rubik's Cube).

I've never had so much fun solving a Rubik's Cube in 2+ hours.

And is it really that you solved it if you found directions on the internet and followed them meticulously through? I hardly ever even looked at the Puzzle with Pieces Rotatable in Groups -- I kept doing these manuevers and when I looked down the colors were aligned. Amazing. Me + the internet = genius.

Here are some interesting facts about Rubik's Cube (and RC hybrids), care of my good friend Rick O'Pedia:

In 1994, Melinda Green, Don Hatch, and Jay Berkenilt created a model of a 3×3×3×3 four-dimensional analogue of a Rubik's Cube called the MagicCube4D. Having more possible states than there are atoms in the known universe, only 55 people have solved it as of January 2007.

In 2006, Roice Nelson and Charlie Nevill created a 3×3×3×3×3 five-dimensional model. As of January 2007, it has been solved by only 7 people.

A normal (3×3×3) Rubik's Cube can have (8! × 38−1) × (12! × 212−1)/2 = 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 different positions (permutations), or about 4.3 × 1019, forty-three quintillion (short scale) or forty-three trillion (long scale), but the puzzle is advertised as having only "billions" of positions, due to the general incomprehensibility of such a large number to laymen. Despite the vast number of positions, all Cubes can be solved in twenty-six or fewer moves (see Optimal solutions for Rubik's Cube).

To put this into perspective, if every permutation of a Rubik's Cube was lined up end to end, it would stretch out approximately 261 light years. If they were laid side by side, it would cover the Earth approximately 256 times.

Next I'll probably start participating in one or more of the following annual events:

1. Blindfolded solving.
2. Solving the cube with one person blindfolded and the other person saying what moves to do, known as "Team Blindfold".
3. Solving the cube underwater in a single breath.
4. Solving the cube using a single hand.
5. Solving the cube with your feet.

If I get good enough for event #1, then maybe one of you can come along with me to event #2 and you won't even have to do anything. I heard the afterparties at Team Blindfold events can get preeeettty crazy.

We laughed, we cried, we touched down

Got on a plane last night and heard that at departure it was still 75 degrees. The pilot mentioned that weather in London had been 'miserable' in the past few days. Everyone had a good laugh.

Then we arrived and the pilot said, 'No seriously -- the weather here is absolutely miserable. 50s and raining, and it's August.' Then we had a good cry.

In between I watched Half Nelson. That's a really excellent movie.

Arsenal 2, Fulham 1

So I finally got into an Arsenal game, having failed to get a ticket many times before. And this one was pretty fantastic. Beautiful day, first game of the season, playing a cross-town rival which also happens to boast an American captain and two others from USA!USA!USA!

The game had drama and a happy ending. Arsenal gave up an embarrassing goal 90 seconds in and waited til the last 5 minutes to score the equalizer and then finally the winner. I was sitting in between the Fulham and Arsenal sections. You can never say anything bad or even knowledgeably comment on football as a 'boring sport' until you've attended a match of the European (or I'm guessing South American) variety. It's really all about grown men singing.

Now if Arsenal can do that 37 more times we'll have a real party on our hands.

Crossing the Atlantic tomorrow, by plane (not the suggested means if you consult Google Maps for directions from London to Charlottesville). The blog will be quiet for the week so take the time that you usually spend reading up on er/uk and use it on something equally stimulating, like yardwork or Family Guy reruns.

Breaking news

Summer has lasted longer than expected in London. Today marks the one-week anniversary.

Today also marks the start of the English Premier League season. Here's to a top finish for Arsenal and an injury-plagued and underachieving one by wankers Tottenham.

I'm headed to the far-West (ie 'Merica) on Monday -- have I mentioned that? I'm going for the shopping. It's cheaper for me to fly there and buy things like shoes and a tie (airfare + shoes + tie - ridiculous exchange rate) than for me just to buy those things here. I'm also excited about the reunion with Mexican food.

I'll try to post some pics from Amsterdam and also of my buddy Conor Welch's eventful visit to London in tomorrow's post. Conor -- hope that contagious infection is taken care of!